Lessons from Chava, notes from the retreat

These are the notes of Rochel Weiman, participant from the Malchus Retreat 12-1-19, in poetry. (Shortened and edited by me)

Rochel is the creator of “Women longing for Geula…” https://www.kavconnect.com/

I thank her for sharing her gifts with me and the world, and all the retreat participants for sharing themselves.  You are truly leaders.

~ ~ ~





We are not beautiful for what we are
But for what we are becoming.
We need a womb
And a guardian to keep it safe

The moon’s diminishment
The light will dispel the darkness
We are at the seashore of consciousness

To the Torah’s light
Our glow

We are leaders
Generous with sharing the light
Like climbing a ladder,
Blessed with another rung of light
In abundance;
As we help others
Come into their fullness

A story of the terrible tailor…
Stretch your hand to make it fit… your leg…
“What a good tailor!!” they say
Am I pretty enough?
Am I a mother good enough?

Maybe your not belonging
is the problem with the container

What is my “Ani”?
Ani is one of the Divine Names
What is my essence?
My agent of transformation

Why are women prone to getting all bent up?
We are Bina: we take things in
We absorb
We take our own energy and weave it against ourselves

That’s why we need to support each other
To help the Shechina rise
And say, to one another;
“I wish you can see yourself through MY eyes.”

Chava was not a messianic name
More like the “messy”-anic
We hold her tikkun
In order to get her to where she…
Where we … are going

She was created twice
Onkelus: “chivia”/ snake
Chaya > Chava > Chedva (23 – 19)
She regains what she lost
To Chedva
The 4 that she lost
The journey is the hidden

Nachash = Moshiach (358)
Lili-t = Layla
Rising above it
Bringing light to dark
That is how we do it
Coming out of the cocoon
Is how the butterfly becomes

We are afraid to be vulnerable
To share our struggle
Is it safe?
Is it noble?
We are ashamed
Why do I struggle so?

And yet together
We are weaving the story
Of femininity

When malchus is low
Torah is low
Shechina is low
That’s when the evil
Can suckle from her

We focus on the tza’ar (pain)
Of the lost Princess
But the one who suffers the most
is the King, Hashem

When we want to transform
We need to know what is possible.

When you look for validation
You have already shrunk.
You no longer exist in a boundless space of truth
But are limited by the dimensions
Of another’s perception.

Inside of you is the whole truth
Stand in your wholeness
Make it somatic knowing
Stand in your crown

If compliments fuel you
Criticism will crush you!!!

Lightning then thunder
Male and female
So much joy in not already being perfect
And evolving

It is all unfolding
Just in time
Perfectly placed in your life
Embrace it!

Malchus is about co-creation
Hashem is perfect;
He has chosen to make Himself vulnerable
So we can grow to meet Him.

There are 7 stages of a woman’s life
Collectively, individually
Hashem gives us real power to make choices
Real power

Take back your power
where you have given it away
Who or what have I been blaming?
Wow, there’s something I’m doing to create this story

Turn from receiving the situation to acting upon it
Where am I dis-empowered?
Where am I not in truth?
Perceive my essence of love and nurturing
Isolate the faulty code
and re-script

How do we heal the hurting feminine?
It was the pain of rejection;
She was a high woman
We incorporate her essence
She has a place
Right here
Right now

Dishes, homework, supper.
Chava shnia (second)
Chava shelishit (third)
Messianic Woman
Build the vessels and fill them with light
Be in-joy

Reclaimed yourself in all dimensions
From Daughter
to Partner
to Mashpia

She had a false belief
That Adam had to receive her
She didn’t know
That she’s the influencer

Woman will be the
Crown of her Husband
Stop looking for validation
She thought she was either below or equal
Yet she is

How are you going to show up
Wearing your crown?

It doesn’t matter if I’m praised or criticized
I am stable in my crown
and my light;
This is my identity.


Malchus Affimations:
I am worthy.
I am enough.
Honoring healthy boundaries is peaceful.
I don’t need to be afraid of others.
I only fear Hashem.
I am safe, Hashem is with me.
I can put on my crown.
I have permission to have the light contained in my own keylim (vessels)
I am shepherding my own soul.


Often the thing that I fear becomes active
In the act of my fearing it.

Gevurah is crafting the vessels
My gevurah is not mean but kind.

I can exude the love in my heart


Extracted from the first series, Chava, at The Nexus School of Transformational Torah for Women.

“Rise into your Feminine through Women in Torah”, unlocking your potential as a woman living in the footsteps of Moshiach.

The next cohort of Chava, is starting on Dec 22nd 2019. Join HERE. Join with a chavrusa for the chavrusa special.

To connect to the community email info@thenexus.org

The School is continuing on Feb 12th 2020 BeH with the Imahos. Chava is a prerequisite.

If you need help to pay tuition because you are in Klei Kodesh or you require financial assistance for other reasons, you can apply for a Torah discount.

As printed in the Tradition, 2017

I.  Jewish Time
Jewish time is a paradox.
“בראשית ברא אלוקים …”
In the beginning, G-d created…
A beginning.
Natural, steady, predictable, rhythmic time
The sun rises, the sun sets… a day.
How we fill our days is another matter
The ultimate expression of our free choice.
To be Jewish is to live this paradox.
To not be confined to the laws of nature.
To be above
And yet within it.
A G-dly people
Internally connected to He that created time
In the beginning
Riding through
Carrying the secret of Divinity.

II. Cycles of the Moon
Jewish time is ever ascending spirals
Aspiring upwards
Through the twelve months of the year
Each month its own character and essence
We move in and out of the energies of time

As the moon waxes to its peak intensity of its month’s quality
And wanes
Transitioning to the following cycle
Light appearing
We visit each month
Each month visits us
Finds us exactly where we need to be
In the next step of our growth
Our lives
Orchestrated by a Divine Hand
We cycle through
And deeper.
And higher.
Each month parallels a tribe of Israel
And together we are one
Standing around Yaakov our father
Shema Yisroel Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad.
Distinct and separate
Yet we are connected
Each inter-included in the other.
So too the months, with its tone and hue
Bursting joy

Or loss, realized
Finding open revelation of Divine light
Or nurturing a hidden flame
Each month containing aspects of them all
Yet scintillating its unique radiance
Colours through a prism
Vibrations enter our consciousness
In its time
Transforming our hearts
Jewish time.

Part III –Tishrei
The seventh month from Nissan
Yet, Rosh HaShana.
The head of the Jewish year
Everything unfolding from its inception
The genetic code of all that is to follow
Sublime in its potential
Awesome in its power
Seminal in its meaning
A day of judgement
That is two days.
The first of ten
Corresponding to the first two utterances at Sinai
“I am Hashem your G-d”
“You shall not have other gods”.

The shofar blows
Coronations of Kingship
Blasts from Sinai
The arrival of Moshiach
Breath of Adam
Yovel-like freedom of the soul
As it returns to G-d
Relieved of its heavy burden
Returning to Hashem
While alive and breathing and present on earth
Rediscovering a purity of heart
While in the land of the confused
Uncovering a clarity of mind
Amid the perplexed
A soul fully committed
To being the best it could be
Its shiniest self
Truest essence
Finding G-d in that place
Why did she travel so far?
How good is it to come home.

Part IV – Yom Kippur
Yom Kippur
The last of the ten
A gift from Hashem

Wrapped in kittels and aspirations of pure white
All that is physical and that can lead us astray
Temporality is asked to exit the day
We encounter
The part that wants only what is good
For the Jewish people
For G-d
For the world
The part that is willing to serve
G-d’s love
Our love
Mingle amid the self-affliction of the fast
Not a permanent solution
But a window in time
The holiest of times
The unsulliable spark
Is now calling
Echoing the shofar
From deep within
It is that Self
Of knowing
Of love
Our desire to carry that sound into the unseen future
That we offer to Hashem
That is our return
To Him.